If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
