I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
