I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
