So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
