Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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