Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
