Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
