these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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