My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
