Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
