you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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