I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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