So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
