he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
