It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
