What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
