The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
