your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
