you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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