I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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