is your mom at the bar?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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