Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
