Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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