textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
too bad you live with your parents still
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
