I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
