I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
jump out the window naked night went bad
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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