I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
false alarm, still single
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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