is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
