She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
