There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
