I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
