But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
