I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
