If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
