i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Everyone says I win the strip club
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
