My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
