Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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