I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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