if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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