Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
