I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
