would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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