he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
