after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
