i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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