I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
