Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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