She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
