You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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