I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i think i just lost a toe
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
