I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
