So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
