.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
