I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
