we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
