We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
