Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
