she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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