I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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