Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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