Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
third nipple confirmed
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
