i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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