You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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