Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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