is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize