garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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