I like my sex mixed with concussions.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize