Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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