i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
