shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
