this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
