just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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