Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
